saying it loud and proud....

okay, so i've been having people ask me more and more why illya and i aren't parents yet. the funny thing is, it's not coming from any of our family members or close friends. for some reason, they all get why! it's always people at church or people i haven't seen for awhile. they ask how life's going and then go straight for the kill,"so, no kids yet, huh? when are you wanting to start?"

uh, do i have to put a date on it right at this moment? do they really want me to whip out my calendar and start picking a day? "well, this week's not good. next week isn't good either. oh! the week after that is when "mother natures gift" will be present. no luck there! is next month going to work for you?"

we tell them we're not ready, and we get the same song and dance, "well, you're never really ready to start having children." oh please! i know you can never be fully prepared when you take on any major responsibility, but does that mean you shouldn't try at all? i mean, my husband and i are living with my dad right now as we try to get on our feet. we both haven't started school yet, even though we both have the goal to go, and we're already in debt. i don't think it's the best situation to be bringing a child into this world. for crying out loud! where would we even put the crib? in our closet between my husbands jeans and my skirts?? getting out of debt and trying to get most of our schooling behind us is not such a horrible thing.

oh, oh, oh! and my personal fave, "well, you're not getting any younger!" really?? is this pioneer times when the average life expectancy is 39? i'm 27, not 47! most people i know, outside the lds world, are barely getting married at my age, let alone having kids. in fact, most the the moms i look up to as patient, understanding parents are women who waited to have children well beyond my age (btw, when they tell me that i'm not getting any younger, i always have the urge to be rude and say,"well, you're not getting any thinner! better get on that!"...but, i am proud of myself that i haven't spoken that statement...yet)

now, i'm not saying it's wrong for women to get married young, have kids young and cope with life's hardships along with life's little blessings young (even though i'll be hoping my children follow their parents foot steps and experience life on their own before taking on these major responsibilities.) if that worked for you, kudos! but, that just isn't me. i told myself not to marry until i was 30. well, that went out the window when i married my husband at 25. and i'm glad i did. and, i'm sure that if my birth control that i pray everyday holds up ends up failing me, then i would be happy to bring on motherhood (after the initial shock and sob sessions ceased).

but, for now, is it a crime to try to better myself as a human being before bringing another one into the world? is it truly selfish that i just want to build on my marriage and enjoy my husband before someone else crashes the party? i don't think it is.

*sigh* okay, i feel better. thanks for letting me blog vomit. it helped. i do feel less anxiety over the stress of it all now. but, that doesn't mean that i'm accountable for my actions when the next grey haired lady asked me what's taking us so long to make a little jr. of our own. i might just have answer back," mean sex equals babies? i just thought it was done for fun! huh, who knew?!"

p.s. and, if Heavenly Father does decide give us an unexpected surprise, all i've got to say is, it had better be a girl!!!



11:38 AM

WOW. Sorry you have been getting bombarded with that...I feel your pain though. I was asked (in the temple mind you) when my YOUNGER brother got married...and I quote, "Charity, isnt Ryan younger than you?" "Maybe it is your turn next...When are you going to get married?"

The Pederson's are on your side. Look at all of us, most of us got married older...I was 30! 31 with my first kid 33 with our second...and I wouldnt change a thing!

  The Browns

7:17 PM

I completely get you girl, I was asked the day after our honey moon if I was pregnant yet! I just stumbled back in shock and stuffed my mouth with some chips before I said anything I would regret later.

Still, I was married by 21 and now I'm pregnant with my second at 23. My husband has 4 years left of Dental school and I haven't even started my education...and we currently live with our parents with very little room as well. I do have to say(in a totally non pushy and non threatening way
) that it's not really the schooling and the house and the cars and stellar financial report that makes you excited to have kids. It will be a change in your heart. You will feel it and all you will be able to think about is having a child. This is just my opinion take it or leave it. Its just advice from two people who NEVER thought they'd have kids when they did! (We had the same mind set as you trust me) But the time was right and it felt SO right. It just...happens!

I agree though, I do think that question is a little rude though, it's only something to ask your close friends and family members if you're sincerely interested and you have that closeness with them.

  Lindsay and Tyler Kohler

5:56 PM

You are so funny! I completely agree with everything you said too. Everyone is ready at different times so people just need to deal with that. I miss ours and Nat's venting sessions, they were so fun. I'll have to have a little vent session on my blog oneday too. Love ya and miss ya


5:40 PM

thank you, ladies!! i feel much better now that i vented and read your advice. and, i agree, annie, it's not about the age or financial situation. it's about when you are ready. illya and i are not there yet. but, someday we will be. someday. all of you had children at different stages of your life and you all are great mothers in my eyes. thanks for the help!


5:42 PM

p.s. lindsay, i adored our vent sessions and i adore you!! vent all you want on your blog and i will cheer you on!!