saying it loud and proud....

okay, so i've been having people ask me more and more why illya and i aren't parents yet. the funny thing is, it's not coming from any of our family members or close friends. for some reason, they all get why! it's always people at church or people i haven't seen for awhile. they ask how life's going and then go straight for the kill,"so, no kids yet, huh? when are you wanting to start?"

uh, do i have to put a date on it right at this moment? do they really want me to whip out my calendar and start picking a day? "well, this week's not good. next week isn't good either. oh! the week after that is when "mother natures gift" will be present. no luck there! is next month going to work for you?"

we tell them we're not ready, and we get the same song and dance, "well, you're never really ready to start having children." oh please! i know you can never be fully prepared when you take on any major responsibility, but does that mean you shouldn't try at all? i mean, my husband and i are living with my dad right now as we try to get on our feet. we both haven't started school yet, even though we both have the goal to go, and we're already in debt. i don't think it's the best situation to be bringing a child into this world. for crying out loud! where would we even put the crib? in our closet between my husbands jeans and my skirts?? getting out of debt and trying to get most of our schooling behind us is not such a horrible thing.

oh, oh, oh! and my personal fave, "well, you're not getting any younger!" really?? is this pioneer times when the average life expectancy is 39? i'm 27, not 47! most people i know, outside the lds world, are barely getting married at my age, let alone having kids. in fact, most the the moms i look up to as patient, understanding parents are women who waited to have children well beyond my age (btw, when they tell me that i'm not getting any younger, i always have the urge to be rude and say,"well, you're not getting any thinner! better get on that!"...but, i am proud of myself that i haven't spoken that statement...yet)

now, i'm not saying it's wrong for women to get married young, have kids young and cope with life's hardships along with life's little blessings young (even though i'll be hoping my children follow their parents foot steps and experience life on their own before taking on these major responsibilities.) if that worked for you, kudos! but, that just isn't me. i told myself not to marry until i was 30. well, that went out the window when i married my husband at 25. and i'm glad i did. and, i'm sure that if my birth control that i pray everyday holds up ends up failing me, then i would be happy to bring on motherhood (after the initial shock and sob sessions ceased).

but, for now, is it a crime to try to better myself as a human being before bringing another one into the world? is it truly selfish that i just want to build on my marriage and enjoy my husband before someone else crashes the party? i don't think it is.

*sigh* okay, i feel better. thanks for letting me blog vomit. it helped. i do feel less anxiety over the stress of it all now. but, that doesn't mean that i'm accountable for my actions when the next grey haired lady asked me what's taking us so long to make a little jr. of our own. i might just have answer back,"wait...you mean sex equals babies? i just thought it was done for fun! huh, who knew?!"

p.s. and, if Heavenly Father does decide give us an unexpected surprise, all i've got to say is, it had better be a girl!!!